the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize