You're my little dorito
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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