Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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