it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
