when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
