What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
