he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
