i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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