I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
