finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
