Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
