Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
