one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
