Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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