the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
