put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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