Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
