That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
