I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
