hotel room ftw
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
