thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
