btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
