im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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