the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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