I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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