you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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