Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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