Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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