Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
