I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
