worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
