Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
