I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
