i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
