He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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