i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
