4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
