i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
