I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize