so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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