Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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