i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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