just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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