2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
