it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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