you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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