What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
