I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
