I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
