Your dad touched me again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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