guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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