I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Found your dick twin last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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