That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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