Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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