i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
