one might say we're banned from that church
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
