do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
