I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh god it's open bar.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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