I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love you. Go after that dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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