Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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