I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
