Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
