worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
