Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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