SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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