don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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