i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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