feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
