She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
