I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
