Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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