Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
