If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
