my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
