Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize