They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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