It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
