super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't put those talents on a resume
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
