I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
