Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What a dumb baby whore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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